donderdag 23 juli 2015

goosebumps and bruises

he had pretty eyes
she saw when he was dead
and his eyes lay staring
in the back of his head

i took these pictures yesterday while meeting up with hans
it was lovely to see her again, especially now that we don't meet that often anymore
as we both have our own lives in different cities.
we had dinner together and talked about so many things 
my head is full of inspiration, my thoughts wander
but most of all, now i am tired and satisfied
it's pyama time.
nightnight! 

woensdag 8 juli 2015

just talk



my latest look
wearing my favourite thrifted shoes, that i lost in a train last week
what a bummer. 
rest is ofcourse thrifted as well. i actually only spend 7 euros on this whole outfit hah.
always makes me smile a little when i see people wearing 40$ brand t-shirt.
 and besides, i like wearing old people's clothes.
i actually like old people.
some time ago i was walking through the park with ronja
and a sweet old man with watery eyes told me how lovely ronja looked
maybe it was because i had just burried my own grandfather that last saturday
or maybe because he seemed like he wanted a chat, 
so i asked him if it would be okay if i would walk with him
we were going the same direction anyway, and he said sure.
he told me he was 87 and still walked three times a day, to keep him fit
which i think is really admirable.
he had even fought in the war in indonesia, and told me about his life.
at some point he mentioned his granddaughter could no longer clean his house for him
and he was looking for someone to clean his house once a week
so, i offered to do so
he grabbed my hands and looked me in my eyes
"really? would you do that for me?"

so yesterday was my second time cleaning
he is a really sweet and smart man with lovely stories
and chickens in his backyard, which he gave me eggs from

always talk to strangers!
they're only strangers until you get to know them.

woensdag 17 juni 2015

Orange is the new Black

pictures by Maaike de Jager

you might have noticed a tiny big change on my blog!
i am absolutely in love with it, so i am proud to announce to you my new blogheader
made by the very talented illustrator Maia Fjord, who also did my previous header
hasn't she improved incredibly? her website is really worth watching, she makes fine work(:

i am watching the new season of Orange is the new black, 
which is by the way really worth watching
if you aren't already.
it somehows very much reminds me of clinic-life. 
except we had much better conditions in the clinics.
they portait the very strange life of being in a place, locked away from society, so well.
how life outside will ruthlessly go on, how people will move on with their lives without you
how you stand still, while the whole world keeps on spinning.
 and maybe most of all, how it is almost impossible to jump back into that spinning world
without breaking a leg.
i've been back for four years now
and i still find it hard to keep up sometimes.

not sure if this is too depressing, but it has been on my mind lately
to make it a little less depressing, a few good things;

-i've got an old mp3-player from my sis, full of songs that i listened 5 years ago
it's like going back in time and i love it.
- i have a lot of plants and flowers in my home, and i have only killed one so far.
- i've watched the last episode of GoT with friends and it was awesome, go arya
 - Melle has started climbing my stairs.

woensdag 27 mei 2015

i've got a secret, can you keep it?

i can see her at night, and at night only
she wears her pointy elbows and her secrets close to her body
digging her way through a crowd that only she can see
her strange grin revealing her croocked teeth make people flee
she doesn't wear a shadow because she walks at night
if you see her
hold your secrets tight

zaterdag 9 mei 2015

chatter and surprise

pictures by Maaike de Jager

it's slightly before 10 in the evening, i put on my jacket,
kiss ronja and melle goodbye and walk out of the door
within hundred feet i enter the centrum of the city
i walk into a cloud of chatter and laughing
tiny lights in the trees surrounding the café's on the square
exactly when i'm in the middle of everything around me, the church strikes ten times
i feel blessed and bliss. surprised and thankful
that i am where i am, and that i have come this far.
i'm 23.

zondag 26 april 2015

hey it's dark on the middle of the day

velvet black leggings - romwe
sweater - second hand

today while walking around, looking for a new location to shoot
Maaike de Jager and i found this awesome wall
i'm wearing my new leggings from romwe, which is probably my favourite,
and a few days ago i thrifted this comfy sweater at a new clothes-thrift shop nearby my home.
they sell everything for just one euro each, and i've gotten many great things from there.
anyway, look at that nice round face of Rico the cat.
and visit Maaike's awesome blog. because she shot these lovely pictures.

donderdag 2 april 2015

a rainy week

it has been a rainy spring week
its more like autumn, with the wind playing with the tree's like leaves
in one hour we have had rain, sun, wind and storm.
the walks with ronja are cold but exciting
i listen to cw stoneking while watching her chasing leaves and kids
at night in bed i listen to the rain playing music on the roof


zaterdag 7 maart 2015

Addy van den Krommenacker Pop-up Store


some pictures from the opening of the pop-up store
from Addy van den Krommenacker, where Rein and I went to.
as you can see from the pictures it was quite a feminine and classy collection!
and ofcourse i look utterly uncomfortable on the last shot with Addy hahah
rein and i looked quite a bit misplaced between all the fancy people
but we made it through.
although, when a lady asked me 'from whom i was'
i heared myself answering; 'i'm from me!'
so. gotta work on advertising myself.

dinsdag 3 maart 2015

the night watch' thoughts

today me and Rein went to the opening of the pup-up store from Addy van den Krommenacker
(pictures from that day any soon here)
it was fancy, strange and pretty, the collection was very feminine.
 and even though it was all that
(and it was lovely to experience something like it)
i haven't felt that misplaced in years.
 don't take me wrong, it's not in a negative way
i believe it's good to put yourself outside of your comfort zone
but i wonder if i would ever truely fit inside the 'fashion scene'.
i am not great at advertising myself, which is something nessecary i believe.
but then, i am honest.
i won't pretend i am something i am not.
people might dislike my honesty from time to time
it's something i am often thinking about lately. 
i once read a book of Sophie Kinsella in which a writer ended up exposing
all the main characters' secrets through a character based on her in his book.
and at first she was embaressed and ashamed, but at some point he asked her why it was so bad
that people would know the actual truth about her.
and it made me think about why i would try to pretend something different, more or better than i am
i see so many people around me pretending to be someone they are not
that it makes me even more convinced that i will keep trying to be myself.
so. 
these are my night's watch thoughts.
i hope you have enjoyed them.
sleep tight, and dont let the bedbugs bite.

zaterdag 28 februari 2015

the waking walk

hahah, just look at that last picture of little bear ronja
that cheeky little face and those floppy ears, this picture just shows exactly how she is;
one happy, curious, cheeky, funny and enthousiastic!
a morning walk with her is the only thing that truely wakes me up after a night of strange dreams
in which i don't know weather i am actually sleeping or awake.

on monday me and rein are going to the opening of the pop-up store 
from Addy van den Krommenacker!
 i have been invited, and normally i don't go to anything i am invited to
because i don't feel like i actually know that much about 'fashion'
yet i do know Addy's work, and i actually love it.
so i'm pretty excited, and i'll be sure to take photo's over there
so i can show you what it was like (:

donderdag 19 februari 2015

de donkere hoed

a photoseries shot by Maaike de Jager from Uilskuiken
we had such good luck with the light that day!
these actually remind me of my old pictures, don't you think?

tonight i'm going to have dinner at ruud and kelsey, my old roommates.
i miss them sometimes, so it's lovely to be able to just visit for an evening
and even more good news, my best lovely friend Jolein is going to live here in Deventer as well!
this way we will see eachother much more often, and i can't wait.
i realise so often how much i need other people, 
and how much contact and communication means to me.
never underestimate those things

zondag 15 februari 2015

I can feel spring and it makes my heart sing

this week had a day on which i felt spring for the first time this year
even though there was a cold winter breeze, the sun broke through and was warm enough
to even walk around without a coat!
there's little flowers blooming in the park where ronja and i walk everyday
the swans in the lake have returned and are swimming proudly with their great white feathers
ronja and i spend a few hours with laila on her roof
sitting in the sun, sipping wine and watching ronja play with anything she could find
i took these pictures that day.
i feel so lucky and happy ever since ronja melle and i moved into our new home
and it is most lovely to have laila as my neighbour
i feel safe here.

woensdag 28 januari 2015

home is where Melle and Ronja are




i was just talking to my aunt at the phone
and i told her about my new home and how much i love it
but then she suddenly asked; 'but what is your Home now? with your parents or in Deventer?'
and i just realised that they're both my home
but in the end, i could call anything home as long as i have melle and ronja with me.

so as i promised, some more pictures from my first week in our new home
unfortunaly i don't have anything in better quality (except some more like the first picture, which Niek Doup took, i'll show you more from that later!) because i still dont own a camera. i'll try to borrow Ruud's.
we've had a lot of visitors! which is lovely. i almost haven't felt lonely yet, but when i do
i just run up the stairs with ronja in my arms to the appartment above me, where Laila lives, 
and then we drink tea or wine, listen to music and talk while ronja steals laila's socks and plays with them.
and every evening when i lay in bed and i look through my place
i can't help but feeling bliss, grateful and so happy that it makes me emotional.
oh gosh here i go again hahah